A little bit

Decided to update my blog today. Not knowing why, but i am feeling a little down today. I guess?
In fact, I am happy, just not genuinely happy. Its like, I am happy because I want to make my life happier. Yes, very unhealthy emotion state. Not depending fully unto God has definitely killed me in some ways. God is calling, Angie. Time to trust. Why have so little faith?  I am constantly worrying that sometimes i forget that God feeds the sparrows and I am worth much more than that. God clothes flowers that are fading tomorrow. So what is hindering me from stepping further? Time to heal from the past and look forward.
Yesterday's sermon was about looking forward. Undeniably, it struck my heart a little bit. Pastor mentioned a very new concept that I have never thought of before, "Possessing spiritual gifts and calling from God is like stepping on holy ground", "Use it wisely", "Accept it".
Until when will I accept the fact that I am not going back to the past anymore. I am separated from my family. It is like living a life with amputation. Get that? It is painful, it is inconvenient, it reminds you of the good times you had. and it hurts you.
But today, I decided to pick up a little more faith, a little more courage. I always want things to get fixed, but I never let go. and now, I want to be a little bit stronger, I want God to take charge of my life. No longer live for myself but for God, who have never left me, in all circumstances.
Thank God, for this life, for bringing me out of home, for giving me a new life, for the trails, and for your love.